Catharine Maria Sedgwick Online Letters

Lenox 14 Jan’y -- 1Dearest Eliza --

have you -- not by the utterance of the tongue -- but in the more emphatic and far more appalling language of the heart -- even its inmost recesses pronounced me insensible and ungrateful -- I declare I am neither to you -- and yet it is four or five weeks since I received your last letter & the copy of verses: for which you know I had to pay 'ninepence' -- and the best pennyworth too that ever chanced to me -- for I certainly think their value cannot be ascertained by weight or measure, or any earthly standard -- they being of that ethereal nature that is like the source of their inspiration, above and beyond all human estimate -- with the exception of two or three little favorite gems, this appears to me the best among your productions that I have seen -- -- pretensionary! Oh Eliza as well might you call the ardor with which the spirit that is released from human grossness, soars to heaven pretensionary! -- Continue to write thus -- to quicken to life and music those feelings of your friend that sleep in dull apathy -- -- I mean let this be among the motives that shall move your spirit 2to its heavenly exercise -- -- --

The old year 1 has passed away from us with all its affecting rebukes, and the new year has appeared with its promises its hopes & its anxieties -- In casting my eye timidly over my last year’s account I find the balance so much against me that I dare not look into particulars -- I am so appalled by the long list of broken resolutions -- omitted or feebly performed duties, and all those items that make up such a fearful sum -- that I am in utter despair for the future -- and this I beleive is a bad state of mind -- “despair pays no debts” 2 -- and certainly in the uphill business of improvement we need hardy resolution and uniting effort -- I am inclined to think that those who have an innocent and necessary occupation are the happiest -- There is a dreadful responsibility in the possession of leisure that seems to me at the least a compensation for its privilege -- It will not do to mend our clothes and work muslin & read entertaining books, and behave ourselves ‘ever so pretty’ (as Kitty says) we feel that we have capacities for something higher, & next to the misery of undertaking what you cannot perform is the misery of not undertaking that which you ought to perform -- Last Winter when I was busy about our charity schools 3, receiving the gifts of the willing giver, and begging open tight drawn purses -- looking up little dirty children, and trying to bring their 3 minds and bodies to some degree of purity, I felt a ‘soul satisfaction’ 4-- Since then I have been laboring in, in all respects a more equivocal vocation -- My friends -- I mean my family have flattered themselves that I could do them and myself some benefit (I cannot make up my mind to write honor or credit, so I have had to take benefit which does not quite express my meaning) some benefit by writing -- I suppose you have found us out dear Eliza enough to know that we are rather remarkable for that foible of all affectionate families, an extravagant estimation of one another -- -- Now I am from being a lone one among them am a sort of centre where all the rays of their kindness and love meet -- and thus I am made to shine with a brightness which does not belong to me, but which dazzles them -- --

I am trying to account for their mistake in persuading me to write a book for grown up people 5 -- -- This is pretensionary! Eliza -- at least it will certainly appear so to those who never can know & never would give me credit for my own self estimate -- Well I have written a big story book -- and almost finished it -- and am sick enough of it -- My little tale 6 made no pretensions and has been kindly welcomed, illegible It is quite another affair to set out to be a real author -- I should have been glad to have confined myself to tracts for the ‘poor and pious’ or fairy tales for children I think my genius is up to that -- and I should even now be quite contented with the illegible humble destiny of my offspring (provided it even sees the light) if it were not for the certain disappointment of my friends -- I may be deceived -- but I think I have no ambition for fame -- tho I could not bear to be thought a conceited book maker, puffed up by a little brief 4 reputation -- and attempting to move in an element for which I am disqualified -- -- Now dear Eliza I have just opened my heart -- and spread out my sorrowful case before you -- just because I felt as if I must tell you -- but I charge you to hint to no being whatever what I have written to you _____

I have been passing a few days with my dear Chs -- and Lizy -- they are at housekeeping and quite comfortable -- -- No Poet ever had sweeter visions of his muse than my Kitty has of you -- -- "Tell Eliza Cabot,” she says “that Charley is coming to see her Sunday Morning -- and I Tuesday -- Oh Eliza Cabot is a beautiful girl!” -- Charles talks daily of offering you a salary if you will come and live in Lenox -- he has all the devotion of a lover to you Eliza

My brother Theodore will carry you this letter -- he is going to be in your City two or three weeks -- and I hope you will do what you can for him, -- If you knew him well I am sure you would like him -- There never was a purer being -- a man of more elevated desires and purposes -- or a more benevolent feeling for his race -- -- Now dont laugh at me, nor make any abatements on account of my frank confession of family egotism on the other page -- -- Mrs F Channing is an old acquaintance of his -- do give my love to her and ask her to turn her electrifying eye upon him with kindness -- I want very much to have my brother see Mr Channing -- Can you bring it about -- ? -- Dear Eliza forgive the terrible egotism of this letter and do write me soon -- and all about yourself --

Do you know that R’s wife has the happiness of possessing, a daughter born a week ago -- and all doing well --

Your friends here send to you quantities of love -- -- Mine to your Susan -- and beleive me dear Eliza

yours as ever CMS